Someday, but not today.

Today, I took off work. I took off work because work is slightly insane. Finals depleted my energy and brain functioning. Most of all, I knew I would need time to recover from this weekend. It's the holidays when the heartache is almost unbearable, and the tears are never ending.

Some of my fondest memories are waking up on Christmas to packages and surprises left by Santa. I remember the year I got the pink Barbie corvette, the year of the make-believe kitchen, and the year of the frosty purple N64 (which I kinda wished I still had). Besides Christmas, Mother's Day is the next holiday that punches me in the gut and is constant reminder that I am yet to be the one thing I want to be... a mother.

I don't talk much about our journal and struggles with infertility because it makes people squeamish. (If that's you, turn away now.) I also don't talk a lot about it because people are terrible at comforting someone who deals with infertility. Like, someone who has children and mentions how they understand how awful it feels. No, you don't. Or, the person who offers their kid as consultation, or tells me to wait. I also don't talk about it a lot because I can sound bitter (see above). It's truly a pain you do not understand unless you have lived through it. And, if you have it's also a pain you could never explain to anyone.

But... back to Mother's Day. I knew today there would be thousands of pictures of kids bringing home flowers, presents, and crafts from school. I literally have mentally prepared myself  for a week. Alas, I've failed miserably. Clearly, it's late, and I'm pouring over my keyboard. I'm not knocking people for sharing their happiness, but it is difficult. I would kill to have my own baby to bring me home a partially wilted flower. A hand-print card. A Q&A that depicts me in a comical way. I tell myself I will have a turn someday, but that day is not today.

After switching to a new doctor we actually had some positive news. For years we've been told nope, never, not going to happen. Lately, we've been singing a different tune. We're still in a waiting game, and we still face a future of uncertainty. The waiting is the most difficult part. I'm close to 30, and we're still quite some time away from even being able to try and conceive. It's defeating. It's heartbreaking. When I feel like giving up, I remember the reason I started.

It's those Christmas mornings. The late nights of setting up Santa gifts. Eating cookies and drinking milk. It's the hand-print cards and little flowers with the sweet notes attached. It's the Q&A paper that says I like to eat everything, my age is incredibly off. So while you're celebrating with your moms or celebrating with your own children, say a little prayer and send a little love to those who may be struggling. Again, I hope to share this joy with you someday, but that's not today.

Hello Spring!

It's officially spring!! The first day of spring, Palm Sunday, Passion Sunday.  I would have to say this is my second favorite time of the year just behind fall. Everything is beginning to change, and the world is coming to life again. After dropping our nephew off after church, we took the back road to Joe's grandmother's house. That road is a tiny, winding road, but it has some of the most beautiful scenes you will see in this area. I started thinking of all the reasons I love springtime.

1. Flowers. Greenery. I love love love all the flowers and trees coming into bloom. I stepped out on my front porch just two days ago and realized the only two trees in my yard are in full bloom. The lilies are beginning to sprout. The grass is green. Our allergies are in full force. This year we promised ourselves to update the outside and add a walkway from the porch to the driveway.

2. Birds. Call me a nerd. I've always been fascinated with birds. I had two parakeets growing up, and I loved them so much! Just this past week, we filled the feeder, and some visitors are slowly stopping by. I can always tell when birds are at the feeder because the cats sit glued to the window tails waving and teeth chattering.

3. Sandals. I hate wearing shoes, and do not even get me started about socks. I'm also not one of those people who thinks flip flops in 30 degree weather is not acceptable. I just want to slip on some sandals when I have to leave. No socks. No shoelaces. No zippers. No problem.

4. Skirts and Dresses. Just like sandals, throwing on a dress or skirt is easy and not to mention super cute.

5. Everyone quits whining about winter. I swear. This past winter I came across some of the most whiny, angry people. I was so tired of seeing winter getting hated on.  But would you appreciate spring, if it weren't for winter? Let that soak in.

6. Pastels! Somehow I started getting this style magazine in the mail. The Spring edition came in the mail, and it is filled with pastels. Baby pinks, icy lilac, canary yellow, and powdery blues.


7. BABY ANIMALS EVERYWHERE. No more explanation needed.

And with that note, I will end because what can top baby animals?!

14 Quotes about Mushy Love Stuff

I jumped the gun a little and posted 14 things about my husband earlier in the week. Our Valentine's plans haven't really changed either. You can find us hanging out at home, watching Netflix, playing Xbox, and laughing at the cats. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.


I've seen post after post of presents for Valentine's day. There's a couple who I adore, and I LOVE seeing what gifts they receive. This holiday-  these super cute Star Wars themed key chains. My BFF received a singing telegram. Countless, flowers, chocolates, and cards. Every year I think of a friend's husband, who has a gift, but scrambles to find something to write in her card. Know a guy like this? Are you a guy who still needs those perfect words?

Let me help you out! These are my top 14 love quotes perfect for any mushy, gushy card.

1. I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty…you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.” J. D. Salinger

2. “Who, being loved, is poor?” Oscar Wilde

3. "We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Dr. Suess

4. “Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” William Goldman- The Princess Bride

5. “I do love nothing in the world so well as you - is not that strange?” William Shakespeare

6. “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” Albus Dumbledore

7. "Where you treaure isthere your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

8.  "I look at you, and I am home." Dory

9. "Uuuuuur Aaaahhhrrrrr.Uuuuuurrrrr Arghhhh."  Chewbacca

10. "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." Emily Bronte

11. "As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen." Winnie the Pooh

12. "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." Mr. Big

13. "What a greater gift than the love of a cat." Charles Dickens

And most of all.. Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Joe and I have matching tattoos of the first line of this verse in Hebrew. 

 

I hope your Valentine's day is everything you want it to be! If not, just remember tomorrow all chocolate will be half off. Enjoy!