Someday, but not today.

Today, I took off work. I took off work because work is slightly insane. Finals depleted my energy and brain functioning. Most of all, I knew I would need time to recover from this weekend. It's the holidays when the heartache is almost unbearable, and the tears are never ending.

Some of my fondest memories are waking up on Christmas to packages and surprises left by Santa. I remember the year I got the pink Barbie corvette, the year of the make-believe kitchen, and the year of the frosty purple N64 (which I kinda wished I still had). Besides Christmas, Mother's Day is the next holiday that punches me in the gut and is constant reminder that I am yet to be the one thing I want to be... a mother.

I don't talk much about our journal and struggles with infertility because it makes people squeamish. (If that's you, turn away now.) I also don't talk a lot about it because people are terrible at comforting someone who deals with infertility. Like, someone who has children and mentions how they understand how awful it feels. No, you don't. Or, the person who offers their kid as consultation, or tells me to wait. I also don't talk about it a lot because I can sound bitter (see above). It's truly a pain you do not understand unless you have lived through it. And, if you have it's also a pain you could never explain to anyone.

But... back to Mother's Day. I knew today there would be thousands of pictures of kids bringing home flowers, presents, and crafts from school. I literally have mentally prepared myself  for a week. Alas, I've failed miserably. Clearly, it's late, and I'm pouring over my keyboard. I'm not knocking people for sharing their happiness, but it is difficult. I would kill to have my own baby to bring me home a partially wilted flower. A hand-print card. A Q&A that depicts me in a comical way. I tell myself I will have a turn someday, but that day is not today.

After switching to a new doctor we actually had some positive news. For years we've been told nope, never, not going to happen. Lately, we've been singing a different tune. We're still in a waiting game, and we still face a future of uncertainty. The waiting is the most difficult part. I'm close to 30, and we're still quite some time away from even being able to try and conceive. It's defeating. It's heartbreaking. When I feel like giving up, I remember the reason I started.

It's those Christmas mornings. The late nights of setting up Santa gifts. Eating cookies and drinking milk. It's the hand-print cards and little flowers with the sweet notes attached. It's the Q&A paper that says I like to eat everything, my age is incredibly off. So while you're celebrating with your moms or celebrating with your own children, say a little prayer and send a little love to those who may be struggling. Again, I hope to share this joy with you someday, but that's not today.

Red, White, and Eww.

Happy happy Independence day! I hope you're enjoying your 4th of July!

 

For me...It's 5pm, and I just got out of the shower. I would say I was lazy today, but it was the complete opposite. I tackled all those household things I have put off for quite some time.

If you live anywhere near southeastern Kentucky, more than likely your 4th of July festivities have been rescheduled due to the weather. Our fireworks have been pushed to Saturday in my small town. It's hard to plan something, when your holiday falls in the middle of the week. Joe and I both have to work tomorrow. No long weekend for us!

What else to do on a rainy Thursday afternoon with all 4th festivities canceled? Clean this house! Well, let me rephrase... tackle those projects I absolutely did not want to do! Shampoo carpets and finish up some laundry.

If you are a pet owner of any kind you know the importance of shampooing carpets. You can always quickly clean up those pet accidents, but occasionally you need a super hot, deep carpet cleaning. Pet dander is no fun! Especially when 2 out of 3 friends are allergic to cats, and can't visit your house without leaving with complimentary Benadryl.

This flufftastic mess if why I am shampooing my carpets on my day off!

We borrowed a carpet shampooer from some family members. Filled it with water and solution. (I used my own cleaning solution, but that's a post in itself) Shampooed away. I am always amazed at how disgusting the water looks when you empty the tank. EWWWWW! My floors are that disgusting?! In my small house, it took maybe two hours or so to finish the only three rooms with carpet. It's like getting a new house!

Shampooer I used? Bissell PowerSteamer PowerBursh. It's lightweight compared to others, glides easily, and user friendly. No tricks to remove and fill the tank for use.

After working all day in the house, I needed some pampering time. Plus my pedicure was pretty chipped, and my nails needed some TLC. I did give myself a pedicure and re-paint my toes and fingers. I sat on the edge of the bathtub soaking my feet in lavender infused water, and slathered my fett in MK's Mint Bliss lotion. There is something about the lavender and mint mixture that makes my feetsies thank me. I topped it off with a fresh coat of pink nail polish. It's made by NYC (New York Color) called Love Me Red Crème. I think it's a very deep pink, definitely not a red and has a bit of a sheen luster.

 

I am wrapping up this day, and getting ready for work tomorrow. I might even make muffins for those of us less unfortunate workers who didn't schedule Friday off work!

Trying to talk Joe into watching Les Mis and lots of love until next time.

Strawberry and Blueberry Trifle Recipe

Invited to a cook-out? Offered to bring a dessert? Stressing because you can't think of anything that is quick and easy? 

 

 

That is me every holiday, event, or get-together. However, I have found my go-to recipe that, so far, everyone has enjoyed! All the ingredients are things you would have in your pantry at any given time. I have discovered that late spring to late summer is the best time to make this dish, as it is prime time season for beautiful strawberries and blueberries.

 

One year, I took this dish to Thanksgiving because my cousin begged and pleaded for it. He ate, no joking, half of the trifle dish he enjoyed it so much. Then thanked me endlessly because he said it is one of his favorite desserts. I am glad I went through the struggle of finding acceptable fruits and spending the time to layer it to perfection. My dear cousin who loves the Strawberry and Blueberry Trifle passed that following Christmas. This dish is near and dear to my heart. I remember the first time I made it after he passed, I cried and cried while preparing the ingredients. No lie, that time it was made with love and tears.

 

 

Strawberry and Blueberry Trifle

 

This picture does not do it justice, but it was A Ha! blog post!

 

 

Ingredients:

2 Blocks of Cream Cheese: Softened

1 Tub of Whipped Topping (*I have learned through trial and error, the Great Value brand works 10x better than name brand.)

1 Cup of Sugar

1-2 Carton(s) of Blueberries (depending how blueberry-y you want it)

1-2 Carton(s) of Strawberries: Sliced (depending how strawberry-y you want it)

1 Bag or Tub of Strawberry Glaze (Sugar Free works well too)

1 Angel Food Cake (I buy pre-made to save on time)

 

Tools:

1 Large Mixing Bowl

1 Medium Mixing Bowl

Hand Mixer

Clear Deep Bowl or Trifle Dish (recommended)

 

 

Step 1: Prepare the topping.

In the large bowl, using the hand mixer, mix together cream cheese, whipped topping, and cup of sugar until fluffy and light. This step does take some time to ensure the ingredients are mixed well together and the mixture is not grainy from the sugar. Unfortunately, a hand mixer is a must! It is soooo hard to get the ingredients mixed properly without one!

 



 

Step 2: Prepare the fruit glaze/mixture.

In the medium bowl, mix together sliced strawberries, blueberries, and strawberry glaze. Make sure all fruit is coated with the glaze. *Leave some strawberry slices and blueberries to garnish*

 

Step 3: Prepare the Angel Food Cake

Tear the angel food cake into bite size pieces.

 

Step 4: Get to Layering!

In your trifle dish, place a layer of angel food cake pieces to cover the bottom of the bowl. Layer with some of the fruit mixture. And... layer with the whipped topping. Continue with this pattern until all the ingredients are gone. *Be sure that your top layer is the whipped topping!!!*

 

Cake, Fruit, Whipped Topping, Cake, Fruit, Whipped Topping..... shew! Usually this recipe will let you layer the trifle dish two complete times.

 

Step 5: Garnish and ENJOY!

Once the dish is layered, garnish with any leftover strawberries or blueberries. Eat and Enjoy!

 

This dish does need to stay refrigerated as long as possibly. This allows the glaze and whipped topping set and not be so runny while eating. This yields 8-10 medium servings and 12-14 small servings.

 

Enjoy this quick, easy recipe with your family this holiday.

 

Sending sweet love to my cousin above and lots of love until next time!